Azkadent
by SilverStarwolfe
Summary: An accident at Azkaban flings 20 year old Auror Harry Potter back to October 31st, 1981. No one is getting out of this unscathed. Slightly cracked super powered time traveling baby. T for naughty language.
1. Azkadent

**Thursday, July 31** **st** **, 200** **0**

On a small rocky island in the north sea, two young wizards walked along the battlement on the roof of the fortress Azkaban checking the wards for weakness. They had spent the last four hours checking that the living conditions for the prisoners were up to the current Ministry codes before the criminals were transferred from the Ministry's holding cells and back to the newly repaired fortress.

Both were trained Aurors, slowing gaining rank and status among their peers. Although they could have easily asked for higher paying positions they opted to start out with the rest. Over the past two years they had been an inseparable team that their superiors had no end of praise for. At the young age of twenty, they were on the verge of promotion and were both eligible to be the next team leader.

"I'm not even sure I'm sticking with the Auror Department." Ron admitted quietly, kicking a loose stone. "George needs help at the shop and I'd have more free time if I went there."

Harry felt at a loss. He didn't know what he'd do without Ron there to back him up. Still though, as his best mate, Harry couldn't ignore the fact that Ron had never really been happy with being an Auror. The paperwork alone almost drove him off in the first month of training.

"Gin gets to come home from St. Mungo's today." Ron changed the subject and cut his gaze over to his friend. "Mum said that she's thrilled she won't miss your party."

Harry shrugged noncommittally, but inside he was a nervous wreck at seeing her again. "That's good."

It had been a sore spot between the two of them when Harry's on again off again girlfriend had up and decided to join the Holyhead Harpies. Not that Harry didn't think she was qualified, he knew Ginny was a wonderful Chaser and that she would be the best thing that happened to the team. But he had just made the dinner reservations for a special night out where he would ask her to become his wife. Instead, she had come home from work at WWW's to say that she had been asked to join the Harpie's team and that she wanted to take a break from their relationship. That had been over a year ago and it still hurt when he thought about it.

The last game in the season, Ginny had been covering for the Harpies sick Seeker, when while trying out a Wronski Feint, was pulled off her broom by an opposing team member, causing Ginny to crash into the ground and break her collar bone. She'd spent the past week at St. Mungo's having the bones re-grown.

"Is she planning on playing again?" Harry asked in a nonchalant manner.

Ron shook his head. "Don't think so. Mum said something about her being forced into early retirement."

Harry winced in sympathy. "She's okay though, right?"

"She got a job at the _Prophet_." Ron sneered as he said the name. "Quidditch Reporter."

"That's good though." Harry's feigned smile faltered slightly. "She'll be great at it."

"Reckon mum's going to try and set you two up again now that Ginny's home for good." Ron shrugged as Harry shook his head and chuckled. "You'd think she hates us the way she's always trying to pawn us off on other people."

"She's just wanting more grandchildren." Harry waggled his eyebrows, and laughed when the redhead winced. "Have you gotten the nerve to pop the question to Hermione?"

"Nah," Ron chucked a rock over the edge of the parapet and watched as it disappeared into the dark mist. "Guess I'll just have to wing it. Hermione likes spontaneous."

"She likes spontaneous about as much as she does camping trips." Harry intoned, casting another warming charm on his cloak. He hated the cold of Azkaban.

"I'll have to bring you along to rescue me just in case it goes south." Ron smiled widely as he too cast the same charm. "Bloody place, always so bleeding cold."

The smile dropped from Ron's face as he stared just over Harry's shoulder. "Patronus."

Wand at the ready, Harry spun around with the spell on the edge of his lips, but he was far too late. The massive Dementor swooped down with the grace of an eagle, it's clawed scaly hands outstretched. Harry ducked out of the way, pulling Ron down with him.

" _Expecto Patro…._ " The wind was knocked out of him as the foul creature collided with his back.

Harry stumbled forward, his head hitting the stone wall so hard that he dropped his wand and it felt like he had cracked his skull. But he was lost in a whole other kind of pain by then. Faces of those long dead swam in front of him. Scenes of death, destruction and chaos overwhelmed his senses as he was pulled up and over the wall, the Dementor's gaping maw closing in faster and faster. With one last burst of effort, Harry blindly kicked out, but all he succeeded in doing was make the creature lose it's grip.

The dark mist cloaked Harry like a blanket as he plummeted down to the rocky shoreline below. And then he was in it's arms again, lost to the nightmares of his past. His last thoughts before blacking out were of Sirius and Remus and wishing that wherever he was going, he could see them again. On second thought, the Marauders would just take the mickey out of him for his last kiss being with a Dementor.

* * *

 **Saturday October 31st, 1981**

Harry woke up, staring at the light beige ceiling, and mentally took stock of what had happened. He remembered Azkaban and the 'roided out dementor that pushed him over the ledge, but nothing after that. Knowing that there had to be an explanation to his sudden safe awakening, he prepared himself for the worst. Broken bones? Nope, everything moved without aching and he felt no pain at all. In all honesty, Harry couldn't remember a time when he'd felt so pain free. They must have had him on the good pain potions.

Since when did St. Mungo's put bars and padding around the bed? And why the hell were there little Golden Snitches floating above him? Was he in the mental ward? Oh hell, that would explain the odd feeling underpants and the pajamas with feet. Harry moved to roll over and caught sight of his hand. What in Merlin's name had happened to it? It was fat and soft. And shit, were those teddy bears on his shirt?

George! He almost yelled out. Of course the prankster would have given him some kind of Wheeze that turning him into a kid. De-aging potions were a class III restricted substance though. He'd have to warn Ron about not getting caught with them, well, after he'd had his revenge of course. There was no way in hell he was going to let Ron and George get away with this prank.

As he sat in the middle of the crib and looked around the room, he had to admit that it was a complex and well thought out prank. Not that he'd ever tell _them_ that. He wondered why there was such a feeling of familiarity with the room. There was something about him that just screamed that he'd been there before.

Seeing that he might be there for a while, Harry resigned himself to planning his escape and retaliation. His fat weak little arms were barely strong enough to heave his lumpy body over the railing, but were not substantial enough to hold him up. With a squeak of fear, he fell backwards and landed diapered arse first onto the plush rug.

Grumbling and cursing, he waddled over to the closed door, and looked up at the knob wondering just how he'd be able to reach it. He backed away slightly, ready to make a running leap for it, when the door swung open. The heavy door smacked him right in the face, knocking him back a few feet, and he landed on his arse once again.

He lifted his head and glared at the bespectacled man. "Ow..dat hut!"

That face! Those glasses! What kind of sick joke was this?! Not only had those fuckers shrunk him, now they thought it'd be spiffy to impersonate his dead father. Livid with rage, Harry stood on his blasted wobbly legs and shuffled forward to where he could kick the faux James Potter in the shin.

"Oh, Harry!" James cringed and looked over his shoulder, half expecting Lily to run in screaming at him. "You okay, bud?"

"Boke my snots." Tiny fingers pinched the bridge of a heavily bleeding nose. "Keel you."

Faux James chuckled nervously and waved his wand, clearing up the blood as he picked up the toddler and took a closer look at the rapidly swelling nose. "Yeah, how about we fix up your 'snots' before your mum gets out of the bath and kills me for injuring you?"

To Harry's immense horror, fat tears leaked from his eyes and he fully blamed the nose injury, not the great heaping pang of longing that accosted his tiny heart when the man held him close to his chest.

"'kay." Harry shrugged his shoulders and resigned himself to being carried out of the room.

Harry stared at his surroundings in awe that was quite unbefitting of a twenty year old. How the hell had George pulled it off? It was an exact replica of his parents house in Godric's Hollow. The only difference was that it was whole and clean, not dilapidated and weather beaten like it was the last time he'd been there.

James took Harry into the modest kitchen and sat him down in the highchair. "Your mum likes to experiment with potions and I don't exactly trust some of the stuff in our potions cabinet. Last time I did I ended up with hair in places that made walking very uncomfortable. So how about I try a spell to fix that 'snots' of yours."

"Pissy." Harry glared at the imposter, reaching for the man's wand.

"That's right." James smiled brightly, pointing his wand at a struggling Harry. "Hold still, little Prongs. _Episkey_ "

Harry felt the cartilage pop and couldn't help but gasp as his sinus cavity opened properly, letting the cool rush of fall air into his battered nose. "Ow."

"James!" A female voice called from the floor above. "Did you steal my red knickers again? I swear if you've used them for some kind of shenanigan I'm not going to let you sleep for weeks."

Light footsteps sounded on the stairs and Harry's eyes widened at the realization that he'd soon be seeing an impostor of his mother. Only he didn't. James plucked him from the highchair, and proceeded to hide him in one of the kitchen cupboards.

"Where's Harry?" Lily stepped into the kitchen, her dark red hair looking wild and tangled after having suffered through an experimental drying spell.

"We're playing Snitches and Seekers." James replied lightly.

"So about my knickers." Lily started.

James held a hand up to stop her. "I put all of the clothes on the line like you asked. Not my fault that you have weird Muggle customs to follow."

Lily looked out the window and muttered a curse. "You're very lucky that this house is under Fidelius. You never, ever, put a woman's knickers on the line for all earth and sundry to gawk at!"

James shrugged, twirling his wand before tucking it in his trouser pocket. "My apologies, Lily flower."

Harry couldn't believe his ears. Between the nicknames and the normal banter, these two seemed to be more than mere actors. Not only that, but James had called him Prongs, Jr. something only Sirius knew and Harry'd never mentioned it to anyone. Who the fuck were these people?

Lily whipped her wand through the air and the cupboard door opened, revealing Harry who sat there staring at her in horrified fascination. "Hiding with the pots and pans? Harry, you should really be more creative."

Harry tilted his head at her in response, not quite knowing what to say or do. He needed a wand, or a Portkey, maybe some Floo powder, and most definitely an Obliviate. Lily picked him up and sat him on her hip while she moved around the kitchen, throwing random ingredients into a pot on the stove. Harry desperately hoped that he'd be eating some kind of pre-made baby mush, because the stench coming from the pot was foul. He looked over and seen James' wary look and knew that he wasn't that lucky.

"Dinner will be finished in an hour or so." Lily commented lightly, leaning down to give Harry a peck on the cheek. "Why don't we all play hide and seek?"

"Snitches and Seekers." James corrected her.

Lily pursed her lips and shot a lightning quick pink colored spell at him. "Go find _that_."

James patted down the front of his trousers and pouted. "Not again. Come on, Lils, that got old the after the third time."

Lily set Harry down on the floor. "Go hide, darling."

Ready to get away from the creepy weirdos, Harry waddled into the living room, his eyes taking in his surroundings and searching for weaknesses in the spell that he was under. There had to be something that would break him out of it, or maybe it was time released and all he had to do was wait. Still though, he ran his pudgy little hands across the magical objects and books, seeking information and answers.

"Well you're no fun." James walked into the room. "You need to hide, Prongslet."

"You hid." Harry pointed to the stairs seriously.

"Oh," James smiled brightly. "You want to be the Seeker?"

Harry bobbed his head emphatically.

"Lils!" James called out. "Harry's the Seeker, we need to hide!"

"Just a second," she called back, "just putting the carrots in the stew."

"Ew." Harry shook his head, not because of the carrots, but because the smell of the 'stew' was rancid.

"We're lucky we've survived this long." James grimaced at Harry.

Lily walked in, wiping her hands on her trousers and setting her wand on the bookcase. "Time to hide?"

"Let's go." James said quickly.

The moment their backs were turned Harry summoned the wand from the bookcase and quickly stunned both of the faux Potters. He stumbled over to their fallen forms and cast a charm he'd learned in the Auror program that identified magical people.

The first name floated into the air. The red smoky letters burning brightly against the pale wall.

 _ **James Charlus Potter**_

Harry didn't dare speak or think as he cast the same charm on the red-headed woman.

 _ **Lily Anne Evans Potter**_

Harry sat down in shock, casting a tempus spell.

 _ **3:40 p.m. October 31st, 1981**_

"Ah, shit." Harry muttered.

Another quick non-verbal spell sent the Potter elders floating up the stairs and into the bedroom adjacent to the one he'd woken up in. If there was any hope for him to find a way out of this jumbled up mess, he needed them out of his way. If anything, and this was real, they'd at least be stunned and asleep when Voldemort showed up. If it was all fake, he'd be sure to tell Molly Weasley exactly what her sons had subjected him to. He'd sit back and gleefully watch as she verbally and magically flayed them within an inch of their lives.

Lily's wand in hand, Harry used a spell to open the door and walked out into the tiny front garden. A simple row of hedges sat on both sides of the door, looking a little scraggly, but reasonably maintained. Just at the edge of the walk, he could feel the Fidelius Charm reverberating with strong magic. He knew that it hadn't yet been compromised, but was unsure if he walked past it, that he'd be able to find his home again. It wasn't like the effects of such wards were studied on children, or even if he'd been let in on the Secret. More than likely, he was in the house when the spell was cast, thus letting him reside there without knowing the address.

He walked back in and closed the door, wincing when the nasty smell of Lily's 'stew' hit his nose. With that in mind, and time to kill, Harry made his way into the kitchen where he immediately vanished the contents of the pot and began summoning ingredients from the cupboards. If all went well, he'd be able to replicate an edible version of Lily's meal with them being none the wiser. And no one ending up poisoned.

Around half-eight that evening, Harry could be found sitting on the bottom step of the staircase, his mother's wand in hand as he stared at the door. His eyes drooped in exhaustion and he didn't know how much longer his tiny body would allow him to stay awake, but there was nothing for it. He didn't dare try to find a Pepper Up potion considering James' comments on Lily's experiments.

The door rattled and clinked as a spell unlocked it. Harry ducked out of view just as it opened, revealing a tall cloaked figure. Harry stumbled and fell to his hands and knees, drawing the intruders attention. The unknown person let out a high cold laugh that made the hair on Harry's neck stand on edge.

"This will be easier than planned." Voldemort smirked, pulling the hood of his cloak back and revealing a pale faced man with a dark red tinge to his eyes. "So easily the Potter boy is to find. And no one in sight to protect him."

Harry clenched his few teeth into his gums and stood there as fearless as he could while wearing his teddy bear onesie. Even with his smaller stature, there was no way in hell that he was going to let this waxy faced fucker mess with him again.

"So young." Riddle cooed. "So very Gryffindor. And soon to be so _very_ dead."

"Puck you." Harry lifted his chin and glared at the self proclaimed dark lord.

Voldemort looked thrown off his game as he cocked his head to the side and stared at Harry with inquisitive eyes. "How interesting."

Harry could feel the tendrils of subtle Legilimency creeping in and shored up his fledgling Occlumency shields, but he wasn't going to stop there.

With a wave of his mother's wand Harry yelled. " _Smellyarmis!_ "

Voldemort lurched back in shock as his pale yew wand flew through the air and into little Harry's hand. "Who are you?!"

"Gabda Cadaver!" Harry screeched and winced as he realized that he had totally muffed up the pronunciation of the effing Killing Curse.

Surprisingly enough though, the bright green light poured out of the yew wand and sped toward it's target with unexpected accuracy.

"NO!" Voldemort's scream echoed through the air as the curse hit and his body went flying backwards into the front yard.

Harry's eyes widened as the curse washed over the body of his arch nemesis and then seemed to be trying to find it's way back to the wand that cast it. Harry dropped the wand as if it burned him and looked back up just in time to see the green glow smack him straight between the eyes. Darkness took him without a fight and the toddler fell to the floor with a muffled thud.

* * *

Upstairs, Lily awoke up in her warm bed and stretched out, seeking the warmth of her companions arms. Lily put her head on her husbands shoulder and went to scoot closer to him, only her shoe caught on the cover, stopping her mid move as she glanced down at her black boot.

 _Why am I wearing shoes to bed?_ She asked herself as she mentally backtracked the days events. She remembered her and James playing hide and seek with Harry, going to hide, but she could remember nothing past stepping out of the sitting room.

"James?" She elbowed him hard in the ribs.

"Ow! Blimey woman! That hurt!" He echoed his son's words from that morning as he glared at his wife.

"When did we fall asleep?" She hissed at him. "I swear if this is another one of your bloody pranks I'm going to hurt you badly."

"You're already hurting me." James whined and rubbed his aching ribs. "It's not a prank. Marauder's Honor, Lils." He added at her disbelieving look. "Last thing I remember was coming in here to look for Harry. Then your bony arse elbow impaled my poor old rib cage."

"Harry." Lily's eyes widened and she turned to look at her husband's own horror-struck gaze. "Oh my poor baby. He's probably so scared. We're the worst parents ever! How on earth could we just fall asleep and leave him on his own?"

She darted down the stairs half running half flying. The sight of the open door had her heart in her throat as she put on a burst of speed and promptly tripped over something small that lay on the floor. She hit the floor knees first and slammed into the plaster covered wall. She scrambled to her feet and looked back at the offending object, ready to berate her husband for leaving his rubbish about, only to realize that it was the reason for her distress.

"You just football kicked our son." James said in awed shock as he knelt down and lifted the child into his arms.

Harry gasped for breath and yelped, gripping his aching head, and oddly enough, his ribs. "Ah, puck."

James narrowed his eyes at Lily who had the decency enough to look ashamed at her son's foul language. "I know I didn't teach him that one."

"I said it once." She admitted as she waved her wand and cast some basic diagnostic and healing charms on the small boy. "Not my fault he took a liking to the word."

The odd shaped cut on his forehead remained an angry blood red and Lily narrowed her eyes at the wound in thought, tapping her wand on his forehead again, earning herself a fierce glare from the small child.

"Junior left the door wide open." James said as he set an unsteady Harry down on his feet and moved toward the door. "Reckon he was trying to make a break from this prison?"

"I swear, if you insult my lovely home one more time." Lily promised, then looked down at Harry who was walking wobbly but determinedly out of the house. "Is that your wand he's carrying?"

James dug around in his pocket then reached down to pull the thin wand out of his sock. "Nope."

The two young parents watched in confusion as the toddler hobbled out into the yard and started poking something with a stick. The boy then kicked whatever it was with his socked foot and yelped and grabbed his toe.

"Buddy bascar!" Harry grumbled indignantly, poking the saggy old remains of the Dark Lord. "Bad Bad Bad!"

"James," Lily hissed in horror as her mind came to a conclusion that revolted her. "Is that... a body?"

James picked up a grumpy Harry and handed him to his mother then began prodding the sack of robes and what looked like grayish human skin. He jumped back a few feet in revulsion and shivered.

"Yuck. Yeah." Harry said seriously from his spot on his mum's hip. "Bad man."

"Firecall Sirius. Tell him to get Dumbledore over here as fast as he can." James looked up at his family with a confused but hopeful expression.

Lily opened her mouth to ask a question but quickly shut it when Harry poked her cheek. "Now, Mum."

The next few hours passed in a haze and blur of activity. Dumbledore confirmed that yes it was Voldemort's body decorating their lawn. James, of course, was instantly worried about Peter, hoping that his friend hadn't been caught and tortured into giving up the secret.

Young Harry was wise enough not to egg on their fear and worry by pointing out that a rat is always a rat. And bad things happen to people who trust rats. Well, he may have done so, despite everything, had he not been having so much fun sticking half eaten lemon drops to random places on Dumbledore's robes and beard. He giggled loudly as he stuck another sweet to the old wizard's mustache.

Dumbledore looked down at him in concern and Harry smiled innocently up at him, while simultaneously shoring up his Occlumency shields. "Lo, Bumbles."

Dumbledore smiled happily and scrunched up his crooked nose at the green eyed child. "Can you tell me what happened to the bad man, Harry?"

James laughed uproariously, guessing that a fifteen month old would be the least helpful witness, but shut up at the look Dumbledore sent his way.

Harry tried and failed to arch an eyebrow - but apparently his much younger body was not quite trained in the art – as he tried to think of the most childish way to put it. "Bad man make door go BOOM! Got spinner." Harry said matter-of-factly holding up the hand that held a splinter of wood jammed in the palm.

"Bad man say 'dabba tampappa'." Harry pointed his finger like a wand and was really trying his best not to laugh out loud at the way his younger self interpreted words. "Gween wight maked him fell." Harry nodded and shook his head. "Gween wight hit here." He tapped his forehead where the cursed lightning bolt scar looked bolder and bloodier than ever. "I say; Puck! Den mum kick..."

Lily interrupted him and nervously plucked Harry out of Dumbledore's arms. "Oh Harry dear, you must be exhausted. I'm sorry, Professor, but it's way past his bedtime."

"He's come very far in his vocabulary since I last visited." Dumbledore stated kindly.

"I know." James shot his wife a look. "You haven't been feeding him intelligence potions again, have you, Lils?"

Lily muttered a curse word and ground her teeth. "It was just the one time! I told you that. It's not my fault he stole the bottle of potion from the guinea pig!"

"But you had fun documenting the evidence." James crossed his arms. "You even made him crawl through the maze."

"You timed him." Lily pointed out in her defense.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled brightly but Harry could tell that the older wizard had far more questions than he was asking. Harry was far too wired up to be tired. He was almost twenty years in the past, with his parents, stuck in a tiny body that couldn't properly talk or move, not only that, but he knew things that could save so many lives.

The pot of Floo powder caught his eye and he held his hand out for it, ignoring the gasps from his parents. The moment the small urn landed in his grip, harry dug out a small fistful and threw it into the fireplace, diving in bodily to avoid his father's grasp.

While he wasn't brave or stupid enough to verbally announce his destination, he did try to focus all of his mental energy on it while the gut wrenching twisting of the Floo network pulled him to and fro. All he wanted to was go to somebody who cared about him and that he felt comfortable around.

The Floo spit him out onto a worn brown rug that had holes and burnt patches throughout. He coughed and sputtered letting the ash out of his lungs, then shakily stood. A dark looming shadow appeared in front of before him and he turned to see the young, and so very alive, but worn features of Remus Lupin stepping toward him.

"Harry?" Remus croaked out, looking very under the weather, as pulled Harry into his arms. "What are you doing here?"

"Moomy." Harry sniffed, unable to stop the tears that pooled in his eyes, hugging the man tighter. "Moomy."

"Where's your mum and dad?" Remus asked quietly, turning to stare at the Floo as though waiting for Lily and James to pop out.

"Moom?" Harry pointed to the large glowing orb outside the small window. "Moom!"

Remus grimaced at the loudness of the child's voice and nodded his head. "The full moon was last week."

"'kay?" Harry's bright green eyes searched Remus's in question and the werewolf couldn't help but feel both unnerved and touched by the child's concern.

"I'm okay, cub." Remus patted his back and hugged him again. "Just tired."

"Nigh." Harry patted his arm seriously, pointing to the tiny cot in the corner.

"I can't sleep now." Remus sighed. "I have to get you back home."

"No." Harry shook his head. "Nigh."

"I'll owl your parents, letting them know where you are." Remus said in a firm tone, pulling a piece of parchment and a quill to him, then muttered; "It's not like I can find their home anyway."

Harry was hurt on behalf of his pseudo-uncle, knowing that his own parents hadn't included him in the Fidelius Secret.

"Ool!" Harry couldn't help but let his childish side marvel at the large tawny owl that flew into the room and landed on the back of the couch. "Hi, ool."

Remus lifted golden eyes that scrunched up as his smile brightened. "Her name is Lucy."

"Wucy." Harry repeated and wrinkled his nose at his poor vocal skills.

Harry watched as Remus finished his letter and tied it to the owl's leg. "Find Sirius, Lucy, as quickly as you can."

"Paddy?" Harry questioned, his heart about to burst out of his rib cage at the mention of his godfather.

Remus pulled Harry into a hug, looking confused. "Padfoot will know how to contact your mum and dad. Do you not want to see Padfoot?"

Harry's eyes widened. "Wan' Paddy."

Remus hugged Harry tighter and leaned back on the couch, letting Harry rest on his chest. While Harry felt more than a little uncomfortable sleeping on someone else when he was in his early twenties mentally, his younger self's body gave in to the exhaustion.

Hours later a bright green light invaded Harry's sleep and he picked up his head, reaching for his wand, ready to hex whoever was stupid enough to wake him up, when he was jostled and promptly squashed into someone's chest.

Remus held him tightly and Harry had to squirm to turn his head and see Sirius stepping out of the Floo, followed closely by Lily and James.

Remus held his wand tightly in his hand and stood so that he was shielding Harry with his own body. "Don't move."

"Remus." Lily growled out. "You're holding my son, don't you dare stop me from making sure he's safe."

"What did you make me eat in sixth year?" Remus held his wand tighter still, ready to hex any impostor. "The night I caught you stealing ingredients from Slughorn's cupboard."

"A red eft salamander." Lily grumbled, looking embarrassed.

Remus shuddered at the memory and put his wand down, knowing that it only the two of them that knew that particular secret.

"Harry?" James stepped forward, looking nervous as he glanced from the child to Remus. "How did you find him?"

Remus felt reluctant to release the little boy that he hadn't seen in months. "He fell out of the Floo a few hours ago. Almost gave me a heart attack. How did he know where to find _me_?"

James shook his head, feeling unsure of whether he should grab his son or not. "We don't know. He jumped into the fireplace and disappeared. He didn't even call out an address."

"Paddy?" Harry's eyes watered and he held out his hands wishing for the millionth time that he was back in his own body and not being held up like a child.

Remus grimaced and passed Harry to his godfather, who quickly pulled him into a strong hug. Tears ran down Harry's tiny face and harsh sobs racked his body as he gripped his godfather by the neck. It was unbelievable to think that he was in the past, not only that, but his parents and loved ones were alive and well.

Sirius was monumentally relieved to find his godson unharmed and safe, but a little curious as to why he was so weepy. "You okay, Harry?"

"Paddy." Harry cried. "Paddy you 'kay."

Sirius patted his back, causing Harry to hug his neck to the point of cutting off Sirius' air supply. "Need to breathe."

Harry let go and pulled back so that his chubby cheeked face was a few inches in front of Sirius' own. "'kay?"

Sirius chuckled and lifted Harry into the air. "I'm okay, Harry, but _you're_ flying."

Harry laughed, relishing the feeling, but started feeling somewhat nauseous. "Down. Down, down!"

Lily flicked her wand and Harry zoomed through the air and into her arms, where he smiled up at her. "Mum."

"You scared the dickens out of me, young man." Lily pursed her lips, giving Harry 'the look'.

Harry smirked and repeated. "Dick."

"No," James gasped out, as Lily burst into a fit of laughter. "Honestly, woman. You call yourself a mother."

Lily and Harry both turned to glare at James with the same indignant green eyes.

James' eyes widened and he lifted his hands in a sign of surrender. "No offense meant."

Harry yawned and rubbed his forehead, then winced as the still open wound burned and twinged. "Puck." He wiped his bloody fingers onto his soot covered onesie.

"What the hell have I missed?" Remus asked, looking at each of them and wanting answers.

"Wormtail is a fucking Death Eater." Sirius growled out. "He betrayed James and Lily to Voldemort, giving that bastard the location of where they live."

"Buddy bascar." Harry hissed, clenching his pudgy fists.

"No." Remus sat heavily and put his head in his hands. "Are you sure? It wasn't the Imperius? Was he tortured? You know he wouldn't hold up under torture."

James sat down on the floor and let out a shaky breath. "They caught him a few hours ago, Moony. He had a Portkey to Spain and killed an Auror in his attempt to flee the country."

Sirius looked furious. "It was lucky that Mad-Eye was there, the little shit transformed and almost escaped into the sewers."

"But they caught him?" Remus looked up at Sirius who nodded sharply. "He'll go to Azkaban for this."

"He deserves the Kiss." Sirius whispered.

"Wat." Harry shook his head in anger. "Bad yucky wat."

Sirius looked from Harry to Lily with a narrowed gaze. "You haven't been feeding him intelligence potions again have you?"

Lily rolled her eyes and shook her head. "It was just the one time! I swear! He's just a smart little boy."

"I'll say." James said shakily and looked at Remus. "He killed Voldemort."

"What?!" Remus jumped up and then clutched his aching head. "Who did?"

"Harry did." Padfoot said proudly, picking up the child. "Offed that son of a biscuit eater with his own wand."

"How?" Remus gasped, pulling Harry out of Sirius' arms and checking him over for injuries. "Where were James and Lily?"

"eep." James muttered, toeing the rug with his boots and looking immensely guilty.

"Repeat that?" Sirius lightly kicked him in the shin.

"We were asleep." Lily put her nose in the air defensively. "We woke up to find Harry on the floor by the door and Voldemort dead in the front garden."

Remus' brow furrowed. "You're having me on."

When no one responded, other than little Harry sitting there with his arms crossed and shaking his head did Remus realize that somehow the pain of his looming transformation addled his brain and he was having some kind of hallucination. He burst out laughing at the insanity of it all and then winced when it made his headache even worse.

* * *

 **A/N: I have no words.**


	2. Oops

**January 2nd, 1982**

Months had passed since Harry had landed himself in the past, and in that time he could honestly say that he'd accomplished more than he could have possibly imagined. No one could have ever explained his parents to him in a way that would have made him imagine the James and Lily that were in front of him.

More than that, he'd come to realize that he himself was different. His powers were off the effing charts! He no longer had to concentrate on the basics and Latin translation of a spell, he simply just thought of what he wanted and magic would make it happen. Or at least it did sometimes.

"Lils!" A loud thump was heard overhead, and then another. "Have you seen my Cloak?"

Lily looked up from her books and rolled her eyes, yelling back; "It's in the wardrobe!"

Harry chuckled and continued with cleaning his toy broom, knowing full well that he'd found and hidden the Invisibility Cloak the previous night. He'd overheard his father and Sirius talking about staking out a Death Eater hideout and knew that there was no way they'd be going without him as back up.

James stomped down the stairs, dust motes floating around him as he frowned and his eyes scoured the room. "It's not there."

Lily heaved a sigh of exasperation, setting her quill forcefully back into the inkwell. "You've made a mess, haven't you?"

James looked abashed. "I'll clean it up. I'm just worried about my cloak."

Harry tuned them out, using all of his concentration to use his wandless magic in removing the safety spells from the broomstick. The broom shook violently in his grasp and Harry used all of his strength to keep it from drawing attention. Not that it was necessary. Both of his parents had left the room and he was there all by himself. With a smirk and a hop, Harry plopped down on the unsteady broom handle and did a quick loop de loop around the room. Adrenaline flooded his veins and the air swept his hair back as the world blurred around him.

 _Much better._ He patted the broom in appreciation of it's now outlandish speed as he picked himself up from where he'd crash landed on the sofa.

The front door opened and Harry looked up to see Sirius and Remus walking in, cautiously sniffing the air. It'd become somewhat of a routine for the two Marauders to show up at random times throughout the weeks, seeking the company of Harry and his family.

"Is it safe, Harry bear?" Sirius picked him up and spun him around. "Mum's not got a special dinner planned?"

"No yuck." Harry shook his head.

"That's what we like to hear." Remus patted him softly on the back.

"Where's your mum and dad?" Sirius bounced him gently, looking around the room.

Harry tried to say that they were in the bedroom, but it came out as; "Updere beeboom, bug..."

"Whoa." Remus put a hand over Harry's mouth, stopping the word from fully escaping.

"No, James!" Lily's voice was clearly heard throughout the house. "It doesn't fit in there! You have to stick it in the other way."

Sirius made a face. "Maybe we should take him outside for a bit, Moony."

"Turn it around." Lily called out. "I'll do it. You just have to help me push it in,"

The loud commotion on the floor above them had the two men exiting the house quickly with Harry in tow. Once out in the back garden, Sirius waved his wand producing a large silvery dog that looked up at it's owner hopefully. But even to Harry's Auror trained eyes, it was not the typical incantation; nor was the product.

"Go bite Prongs on the arse." Sirius ordered it with a dark grin. "Lils too."

The canine Patronus wagged it's tail as it darted straight through the wall and back into the modest home. Sirius set Harry on the grass then crossed his arms and smirked as loud yelps echoed out of the uppermost bedroom.

"Was that necessary, Sirius?" Remus shook his head, sitting down next to Harry.

Sirius shot him a look. "They shouldn't have left little Harry alone again. Merlin knows what could have happened to him. One of Lily's projects could have eaten him before they finished buggering."

"'gerin." Harry cackled, forcing his small voice-box to do his bidding. "Bug- gerrrin."

"Play with your broom, Harry." Remus let out a resigned sigh. "Language, Sirius."

"With Lily as a mother I'm sure he knows more about swearing than I do." Sirius admitted, maintaining his protective stance in front of Harry.

The door burst open and Lily and James stumbled out, looking bedraggled and confused.

"What the hell, Padfoot!" James whined. "Your bloody Patronus bit my arse!"

"Mine too!" Lily rubbed her backside. "Do have any idea how cold those teeth were? Oh, you can damn well bet that I'll never teach you another modified spell again."

"Well," Sirius put his hands up before Lily could hex his bits into powder. "You two should have known better than to go off and do the nasty while little Harry is all by himself."

"What?" James looked highly offended. "We were looking for the Cloak. We couldn't have been up there more than five minutes. Why would you think we'd be bumping uglies before an Order meeting anyway?"

"They've caught us before, James." Lily put a hand on her husband's shoulder. "The point is that we weren't doing anything other than looking for that damned cloak."

"Buhh—gerrr.." Harry giggled, then promptly shut up at the high pitched noise that escaped his mouth.

"Lils!" James hissed reproachfully. "Did you teach him that one too?"

Lily looked thoughtful, tucking her hands in the pockets of her trousers. "I don't believe so. Though I might have when I drank that modified Babbling Beverage. It just removed my profanity filter."

"We want samples." Sirius and James said at the same time, then crossed their arms looking smug.

"Okay," Remus intervened, helping Harry onto his broom. "So now that everything is settled, why don't we work on enlarging the sitting room for the meeting."

"Good plan, Moony." Sirius nodded, pulling out his wand. "James, I've already ordered a feast from the Leaky Cauldron, it'll be here beforehand, so you two don't have to worry with making anything."

"Merlin's beard." James teared up and hugged Sirius, thankful that Lily wouldn't be cooking. "I owe you one, Padfoot."

"Who's attending?" Remus asked them, standing up to better watch Harry.

"Everyone." James said gleefully. "Dumbledore figured we'd have one big Order meeting to announce last week's happenings before the trial hits the front page of the Prophet."

Harry was immediately interested and flew close to the conversation. There was absolutely no way he was missing out on this.

* * *

Far away a group of dark robed masked followers of that waxy faced fucker stood in a semi circle, surrounding the pale blond who had stood up to be their interim leader.

"I've used my connections at the Ministry to contact Pettigrew. He is sure that the Dark Lord is dead, but his fear and incompetence leave him as a less than viable witness. It is my understanding that the Dark Lord had reason to attack either the Potters or the Longbottoms the night he disappeared, yet we've not had confirmation of any happenings at either residence."

"So what are we going to do now?" Rookwood seemed unfazed by the growing tension in the crowd.

"We wait." Lucius said imperiously. "If the Dark Lord reappears I do not want him to doubt our loyalty to his cause, but there is little need in drawing attention to ourselves."

"I say we all hang up the robes and revel in the current state of peace." Nott put in idly. "There are always other ways to sate our blood thirst."

"Aye." Yaxley agreed. "And what about the Dark Lord's fanatic little bint and her three lovers? They're not going to let this fly."

Lucius gave the Lestranges and Barty Jr, a second's thought. "I'll find something useful for them to do."

"Why not send them after the Potters and Longbottoms?" Travers added. "That way we can get closure on his Darkness, and they're out of our hair."

"Yes." Lucius smiled, a plot already forming in his mind. "It just might work."

* * *

Back in Godric's Hollow, Lily and James were still in the back garden, only this time, Sirius and Remus were inside the house, quite ready to leave Harry to his own fate after his latest stunt. One that sent his mother into a blind rage and almost made him wish he'd never been born.

"It has to go, James!" Lily hissed, holding the toy broomstick in both hands with her knee raised. "He's almost killed himself twice."

"He's good, Lils," James held up his hands before she could snap the training broom, "I'll admit that he's had me scared at a few moments, but.."

"You pissed your pants!" Lily shrieked, ignoring the 'psss' sounds Harry was making as he rolled on the grass.

"Only a little!" James yelled back. "It was a perfect dive! No professional Quidditch player could have executed it so well! I was well in my right to be nervous!"

Lily gripped the broom handle tighter. "Our cat won't leave Batty's house."

"Pussy." Harry chimed in.

Lily bit her lip and glanced at her son. "Don't say that, darling."

"You named the little she-devil." James interjected smugly. "Come on, Lils. Don't you at least want to examine the broom and find out what made the safety charms fail?"

Lily's eyes dropped to the broom in her hands and she looked as though she was torn in two. "He's not to have it back until it's safe to ride."

"Agreed." James nodded, picking Harry up off the ground. "Way to get yourself grounded, Prongslet."

"Boom..." Harry looked at his broom in deep sadness as he was being carried back into the house.

There was this glint in his mother's eyes that had him feeling like a true fifteen month old. It was a look of sheer curiosity and determination that Harry could say reminded him of his own self right before he did something either very dangerous or very stupid. His poor little broom would never know what hit it. But his attention was diverted when the Floo flared up and spat out a gangly blond haired man that almost made Harry choke on his toddlerish drool.

"Frankie!" Sirius greeted the newcomer. "Welcome."

"Plaque, Loopy, Potters." Frank Longbottom nodded, dusting off his Auror robes and standing there with a friendly grin on his face.

The Floo produced another person that Harry would have never believed to see. Alice Longbottom stood there with her light brown hair cascading down her voluptuous body. Damn, Neville's mum was smoking hot. Not even bothering to stop the steady drip of fluid from his mouth, Harry gawked at the fit and fine form in front of him.

James set Harry on the floor and quickly shook their hands. "Lils isn't cooking. Sirius ordered in from the Cauldron."

Alice quirked an eyebrow at Padfoot. "Smart, Black. First time I can admit such an attribute to your dumb arse."

"Hey!" Sirius put a hand over his heart. "That hurts, Ally Cat."

"Pussy." Harry coughed into his tiny balled up fist.

Remus grabbed his side and did his best not to let the stitch of restrained laughter kill him as the other adults clearly heard the little boy. No, anything was worth saving himself from Alice's wrath. Even if it meant choking on his own amusement.

"Frank! Al!" Lily walked in the room and quickly pulled the two into a hug. "It's so good to see you. Where's Neville?"

"With mum." Frank nodded, placing his thumbs into the pockets of his trousers. "He's teething and makes better company for her right now."

"The poor thing." Lily frowned in sympathy. "I've got a new batch of numbing potion. Tried it out today and it works wonders. I'll just grab it from upstairs."

James gently grasped her elbow and stopped her, whispering; "Was it in the little vial that looked like lotion?"

"Yes." Lily scrunched up her forehead. "Why?"

"I might have used it." James looked abashed.

Lily's smile pulled into an almost painful grin. "You didn't."

"Might have been why I pee'd myself." James whispered, making Harry wish that he'd cast a deafening charm on himself. "You really need to label these things better."

Lily's brow furrowed. "It clearly said for oral use only. It's not meant to be a lubricant."

"It had me at oral." James shrugged his shoulders in defeat, while Harry promptly fell to the floor giggling loudly.

Remus held a hand to his face, his exceptional hearing clearly being more of a curse. "I need an Obliviate and it's only a couple days into the new year."

The coinciding dates and absence of his friend made Harry's eyes widen and sapped every bit of amusement from him. He needed to get help to his friend. He'd never heard an exact date of the attack on the Longbottoms, but something in his gut made him think that it was today. Or maybe it was his mum's morning stew. Either way, he needed to make sure his friend was safe.

"Neb!" Harry suddenly shouted. "Nebille!"

"Neville is probably asleep, Har." Lily tried to calm her squirming son.

"No!" Harry said wide eyed. "Nebille! Now!"

"I'll Floo call Augusta and see if she would mind Harry staying with Neville." Alice patted Harry's leg. "It's okay, Harry."

Harry fidgeted until his mum put him down and then he quickly stumbled to the couch where he'd stashed Voldemort's real wand. It wasn't that he didn't trust the headmaster with the powerful artifact, it was just that he trusted himself more. Stuffing the wand up the leg of his owl onesie, Harry allowed Lily to pull him out from under the couch.

"You're covered in dust." Lily shook her head making Harry wince when she flicked her wand in his direction. " _Scourgify_."

The spell washed over him, leaving his skin feeling distinctly lacking moisture. "Eck."

Lily grimaced and placed him gingerly on the floor. "You asked for it."

"Lils." Alice shook her head. "Gusty is going to keep the boys for the night. I say we break out the potions and Firewhiskey after the meeting."

"The good potions." Lily breathed in anticipation. "Oh, I've made new ones."

Alice bounced Harry on her hip, smirking at him. "You're in luck, darling. The potions your mum invents are infamous among even the Unspeakables. Not even they can figure out how they work or how to stop them."

"Puck." Harry's eyes widened in fear.

"I agree." Alice nodded, throwing a pinch of powder into the fireplace. "Longbottom Manor."

Harry resisted the urge to vomit when the spinning stopped and Alice stepped gracefully out of the floo.

"Is that the Potter boy?" A younger, but no less fierce looking Augusta Longbottom asked.

"Yes, madam." Alice grumbled, setting Harry down on the floor.

Augusta pinned the younger woman with a pointed stare. "Go on then. I'm fully capable of looking after two children."

"Mum." Neville's loud scream announced his presence to the entire UK. "MUM!"

"Bye, baby." Alice quickly flung another pinch of powder into the grate and flashed away, before Augusta could stop her.

"Typical." Madam Longbottom muttered, pulling Neville out of his pram. "She always leaves when you scream."

"MUM!" Neville wailed again.

Madam Longbottom cast a spell on herself and smirked at Neville and Harry. "Scream all you like, children. I'm going to be partially deaf for a bit."

Seeing no help from the older woman, Harry grabbed his friend's pudgy shoulders and shook him gently. "Top! Puck dats woud."

Neville stopped screaming and peered at Harry with wide eyes. "Rry?"

Harry's eyes narrowed at the larger toddler. "Neb?"

"Choo?" Neville pulled away quickly. "Choo?"

Sensing that Neville made have been in the same boat as himself, Harry almost wanted to scream, but refrained, realizing that it could very well be a trap. "Ow keel nake?"

Neville clasped his hands together and whipped them through the air as though wielding a blade. "Tord."

"Nebille?" Harry pulled the other boy into a firm hug. "Ow?"

Neville's hands wrapped around his throat in a mimicry of being choked. "Debil Nair."

"Buddy hell." Harry shook his head in sympathy.

"You?" Neville peered at him in concern.

"Dender kiss." Harry stuck his tongue out, not having to fake the gagging fit that overtook him at the memory, still feeling the scaly lips.

"Ew." Neville grimaced, gently patting him on the back. "Tuck it up, 'Ry. Bewwytwix be 'ere soon."

Harry smirked, pulling Voldie's wand out of the leg of his onsie, making Neville's brows lift and eyes widen. "Wets puck does bishes up."

Neville punched his pudgy fist into the palm of the other. "I weady."

* * *

Augusta leaned back in her settee, casting a cooling charm about herself as the newest chapter of her favourite erotic novel; _Stalking Flamel_ came to a heated scene between the Alchemist and his spry young manservant. She was so lost in the steamy content that she didn't notice that Harry and Neville were walking out of the house.

"Oh, Nicky." Augusta breathed loudly. "You _are_ naughty."

Harry turned to Neville with a questioning glance. Neville shuddered violently and shook his head, giving Harry the impression that it was probably something he didn't want an explanation for. He put his focus back on their plan, waving the wand and calling to black travelling robes down from the hook behind the door. Another spell shrunk them to the right size and Harry handed one to Neville, slipping his own on, glad to feel the reassuring weight on his shoulders.

"Got porkey?" Neville asked, his hand on the tiny plush bear in his pocket that Harry turned into a portkey.

"Yeah." Harry nodded, holding up the small green dragon and hoping that his spellwork would hold and get them back to Neville's nursery should anything go wrong. "You 'kay wid da pwan?"

Neville nodded with determination. "Do it."

* * *

Less than half an hour later, Bellatrix followed her husband, brother-in-law, and fellow Death Eater to the blood traitor's house. Despite what Cissy's frilly little husband thought, Bellatrix wasn't all that interested in finding the Dark Lord for reasons of the war. No, she had more self-respect than that, she only wanted to find him to keep in good standing and work her way up in the ranks until she was his most trusted. Maybe then she wouldn't be Crucioed to hell and back just ' _because it was Monday'_ or because her ' _idiot cousin foiled the plans again'._

"We're through the wards." Rodolphus grinned sadistically, cracking his neck as he stepped across the invisible line at the front gate of Longbottom Manor.

Rebastan and Barty followed without hesitation, but Bellatrix was far more cautious. Something wasn't right. An odd feeling crept up and down her spine, making her feel more uneasy with each step she took. It was the same feeling she'd had after Draco, the little shit, had been born. That malicious feeling of terror crawled through her veins and made her hair stand on end. They weren't alone.

A football rolled out from the bushes in front of them, stopping in the center of the path. The happy face of the duck smiled at her in a way that set her teeth on end and Bellatrix began backing away, ready to leave them all to their fate. A loud 'quack' erupted from the ball and Bellatrix jumped back, clutching her heart as Barty turned and cackled at her.

" _Evanesco_." Rodolphus waved his wand at the offending object.

The football didn't disappear; it grew. Soft high pitched laughter echoed around them and finally the three men that accompanied her seemed to realize that they were set up.

Bellatrix spun around, seeing something small and dark out of the corner of her eye dart into the hedges. The laughter sounded again and she sent a blasting hex at the hedges that didn't so much as make the leaves move. The laughter sounded again and Barty put his back to hers as Rodolphus and Rebastan copied their stance, ready to take on their unseen foes.

A bright streak of light arced toward them and Barty erected a hasty shield, but the spell seemed too strong to be hindered and pushed through, lighting his robes on fire.

"Ah!" Barty screeched, waving his wand to douse the flames, but once again his spell failed. "What in the hell is it?! It's travelling to my arse!"

Barty's backside erupted in flames and he dropped to the ground, dragging his rear across the grass in a futile attempt to smother the fire.

"Is it the wards?" Rebastan hissed at his brother. "I knew I should have done it myself, you always bugger up the incantations."

"It's not the wards!" Rodolphus ground out. "Something else has lit your boyfriend's arse on fire. Don't blame me."

The cackling laugh echoed around them and Bellatrix resisted the urge to cover her ears, crawl in a corner, and cry. The bright flashes of light erupted everywhere, burning into her retinas and leaving her momentarily blind as her companions screamed and yelled. Bellatrix tried to disapparate, but ended up going no where as a new warding settled over her. She clutched the Black crest on her sleeve, whispering the trigger word for the portkey, but it too had no effect. She was really and truly trapped.

"Pattetic." A high soft voice said from behind her, making her stumble and fall.

Bellatrix lifted her eyes to stare at the impossibly short robed figure. Her mouth dropped open as she took in the sight before her. The young child, no older than Draco, had a long green snake draped over his shoulders. Its watery eyes stared at her and she scrambled backwards, knowing the highly venomous creature wouldn't hesitate to end her life.

"The hell!" Rodolphus stepped forward, heaving in his breaths as his clothing still smoked. "Kill the shit already."

The child scoffed, raising a pale yew wand at her husband. "Pussy."

Bellatrix had a pretty good idea of what might be going on and kept her presence as nonthreatening as possible as she watched her husband succumb to the bright pink spell. Her eyes watered in pity as her husband transformed from the strong vicious man she loved to a tiny white kitten with a pink bow around his neck.

The snake crawled from the child's shoulders, slithering across the ground, and stopped inches away from her hand. It stared at her and she couldn't miss the sense of longing its gaze held as it picked its green head up as though to strike.

"Hold still, sister." Rebastan whispered, aiming his wand at the snake.

"No." The child pinned him with a deadly look.

Rebastan's lips quirked into the mockery of a smile. "Is that the Longbottom child?"

Bellatrix lifted her hand in warning, wanting to stop him from doing something he'd regret, but she was too late. The child's spell hit him full in the chest making his entire body explode from the inside out. Bellatrix clenched her eyes closed, grimacing as the spray hit her.

"Oops." The child cackled.

Bellatrix expected blood and gore, the true visage of her Dark Lord remade, not to see that the pathway was covered in multi-coloured glitter. Sparkly glitter that clung to her hair and face.

"Your evil knows no bounds, my lord." Bellatrix knowing that only the Dark Lord Voldemort could be so sadistic and cruel. "My apologies for taking so long to search you out."

"Huh?" The creature of the darkest magics stared at her, but she could not meet his gaze.

"I'll take you to your chambers." Bellatrix offered helpfully, hoping that she could maybe con Lucius or Severus into taking the child.

* * *

Harry sat on the throne straight backed and regal, ignoring the horrid squicky feeling of sharing the same seat as that monster, but he held his composure and played it off as though he wasn't uncomfortable.

"My Lord," Bellatrix bowed lowly. "You must feel so out of sorts. Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable."

Harry scratched his head in thought. "Die here now."

"Your hair?" Bella reiterated. "Oh, that mop must be so irritating. I know the perfect spell. It's so Dark it will bypass whatever that Potter blood has infected you with."

Harry sat back quickly, but was too slow to avoid the blast of the blinding lime green spell that struck his head with scary accuracy. He lifted a pudgy hand and felt that his scraggly and long black locks were gone, leaving him with a short stubble over his amazingly round noggin.

"Oo bish." Harry ground out, shaking his fist at the shell shocked woman. "Keel you."

"I'm so sorry, my lord." Bellatrix cried out, grovelling on the floor. "I only meant to straighten it, not remove it."

Harry thought long and hard about what to do. It would be so easy to kill her and walk away, he wouldn't even miss any nap time over it, but there was a nagging voice in the back of his head that told him that the scraggly haired witch could be very useful to him in the future.

"Bow." Harry hissed out, thrusting his hand toward her. "Bow now."

Bellatrix pressed her face to the floor, her arse in the air as she scooted away from the small child that was creepily stumbling toward her. "I'm bowing as low as I can, my Lord."

"No." Harry shook his head and extended his hand again. "Unbakeable bow."

"Oh," Bellatrix chuckled nervously and brushed the dirt from her cheek. "A Vow. Of course, my Lord. Anything you wish."

Her thin hand grasped his and she had to push down the shudder that ran through her as she felt the sheer amount of power her master had. His bright green eyes bored into her own, making her feel the expanse of hatred and rage that flowed around them. The magic crackled in the air as a stubby finger pulled her chin up to meet that haunting gaze.

"We need a witness, my Lord." Bellatrix looked around in hope for a way to escape. "The Vow requires it."

"No." Harry stuck his chin out, his fat hand squeezing hers tighter. "Bow."

"Speak the words, Master." Bellatrix trembled and fought the tears that threatened to erupt. "I'll obey your every wish and command."

"Arm non." Harry spoke seriously, making the thin gold bands to wrap tightly around their joined wrists. "Arm non dat no hurt you."

"I swear." Bellatrix nodded frantically. "I'll harm none that don't hurt me."

"Weave." Harry narrowed his eyes at her.

"I've never been much with sewing and such, my lord." Bellatrix said in confusion. "I doubt I could thread a needle. I've never studied the spells to weave, but I'm sure I could transfigure anything you want."

"No!" Harry rolled his eyes. "Weave dis pace. No come back."

"I swear." Bellatrix sighed as the golden bands faded from her arm. "I'll leave this place and never come back."

Harry's upper lip quivered into a childish smile that made Bellatrix cringe in fear. "Back. Geh me back."

"Oh," Bellatrix swallowed down her own revulsion as she picked up the toddler. "Of course you want to keep an eye on the enemy, Master. You're absolutely brilliant. They'll never suspect it."

Harry cocked his head at her in confusion, but then realised that he needed her for the time being, no matter how much he wanted revenge. "Ets go."

With a spin of her feet, Bellatrix Apparated them back to the outskirts of the Longbottom Mansion. Aurors were combing the area and she could hear the frantic argument that resounded out to the grounds.

Taking stock of her current predicament, Bellatrix carefully placed the toddler on the ground and backed away. "I'll be leaving you here, my lord."

"Go." Harry waved a hand at her in dismissal, hoping that the Unbreakable Vow they'd made would hold up.

The second the crazy bitch disapparated Harry breathed a sigh of relief and promptly began waddling his way back to the house.

He was almost halfway there when a gruff voice caught him off guard. " _Stupefy_."

Harry spun in time to see the scarred visage of Alastor Moody before the red spell struck and he fell back onto the plush, thick grass.

* * *

Harry woke up to find himself back in the crib, Neville staring down at him with a satisfied smile. He sat up, realizing that there was a commotion going on in the room.

"No, Alastor," Augusta shook her head, "I don't recall anything other than waking up from my nap and realizing that the children were missing."

"The wards didn't alert you?" He stared at her with his magical eye spinning around to scan the room.

Augusta put her hands on her hips, standing at her full height. "I'd damn well know if my wards were tampered with, thank you very much."

Neville slapped Harry on the shoulder. "Ta, 'Ry."

Harry smiled back, grateful that he'd been able to help his friend, but more than that, he was glad that he wasn't alone for this clusterfuck of a situation that he didn't even know if he wanted to escape from.

* * *

 **A/N: Still no explanation for this.**

 **Anyone interested in reading the book that had Gusty all hot and bothered?**

 ***Hides***


End file.
